New Years Eve

On the eve of a new year I’ve decided to do some thinking. I’m 20 years old, I know it’s not old. But it’s also not young. It was strange when I turned 20 this year, I realized I was no longer a teenager. There’s something about being a teen that lets you be immature while still growing up. Now I feel I need to think seriously about everything. I graduate in 2 years and I have to be able to stand on my own. I know I’ll be able to but it’s still intimidating. It’s like looking up at a huge mountain and you know that you have to climb it or you’ll be stuck where you are forever. So I’ve started climbing my own mountain this year. Before I’d simply looked up at that mountain, never attempting to climb it, yet I was planning what I’d do till I was 30. I had planned to work with the NYPD in the Forensic Unit, get a studio apartment in the city, and not get married till I was well past 30. And now… now I’ve realized a few things. First off I don’t know if I’ll live to be 30 so why plan so far ahead? This life is short. Tomorrow might be my last day here. Or I’ll live another 50 years. Who knows? One thing I do know is that I want to live a full life, however long it is. I’ve had friends come and go. I’ve attended a funeral for a friend in high school and it’s only now that I realized what I leaned from Tucker. Live life. Just two simple words but there’s so much that goes behind that. I realized that things have changed and my future has changed too so I’ve given up on my old plans. I’ll live where I’m supposed to. Work where I’m supposed to. And marry when and who I’m supposed to. It might be six months or six years. Either way I’ll be happy. Another thing I learned from Tucker was to dream big. So I’m dreaming big and making those dreams happen. I leave for Ireland in 17 days. A new chapter of my life is starting. I have blank pages that need to be filled. But I know this chapter will be short, 4 months short. Because after I finish the semester I will get on a plane and come back to the states but I have no intentions of staying. I’ll be back on a plane for London. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I no longer have a future in New Jersey. Things have changed and my new life starts in London. Another new chapter that will last as long as I want it too. I will only end it when I see fit. Because tomorrow today will be history, this year will be history. History is in the past, it’s only purpose is to get you to your current point, once you get there it serves as nothing but a story. You can’t change it so just accept it. I realize that I used to be so concerned with time, with wanting to grow up faster, with wanting to finish school as fast as I could. Time is no longer important to me because I know that everything will happen at just the right time and I’ll be ready for it at that time. On this new years eve I would like to shed my old skin, shed old fears, and leave behind burden I’ve carried. I want a fresh start. And I want to live. I’ll live life and be happy with everything that comes my way. I’ll thank God everyday for giving me another day to live and breath in the sweet air. I’ll count my blessings and be thankful for my family and friends. I’ll be thankful knowing that there are things coming my way that I can’t even imagine and I’ll be happy when I finally receive them. I’d like everyone to know that at 20 years of age I have finally decided that I don’t care what other people think and that I will live my life how ever I want, I will ignore naysayer’s and skeptics, I will remember those I have lost and live as if I need to live for them too, but I will be me and only me. I might never come back to New Jersey for more then a few weeks, and I’m fine with that. I might never have these opportunities again so that’s why I’m grasping them and holding on tight. I’m going to live like tomorrow will be too late. After all I don’t know when my road will end but I do know that I will have zero regrets.