Finding Home

When I couldn’t get my visa to go to London this fall I was pretty devastated. I’d been calling London my home since I got accepted in April. So I suddenly found myself homeless. I could always go back to New Jersey but when I’d left Ireland I didn’t feel like I was going home. And all summer I felt like a guest in the house… which is weird since my home has always been where my family is for 20 years, essentially my entire life. So now I’m faced with this hurtle.


I Skyped my mum after finding out I couldn’t get my visa outside that states. She told me that in order for me to be happy I had to find my home.


My home…


It makes sense. I’ve out grown my old home. I’m a young adult now, not a teenager. My parents won’t accept me coming home after school and living with them again. I’d be disappointed in myself if I did. America really doesn’t feel like my home anymore. After my 4 months in Ireland it was so hard going back to New Jersey and my old life.


I’d fallen in love with walking everywhere. With eating food that’s not as processed. With being so close to so many cool places. With everything that Europe is. I would really like to stay here… maybe not forever but for a long time. I’d like to out grow Europe just as I out grew America. I want to fully live one chapter of my life so I can close it without regrets and open a new one.


So where is my home?


I don’t have any place that is my permanent residence right now. The only thing that comes close is my boyfriends place in Nancy, France. I’ve been either here or at his parents place since I arrived in Europe. But I feel like a burden… so it’s not my home. And every time I try to picture myself somewhere else, at a friend’s place, in some city… it doesn’t feel like home.


It’s just now as I truly ponder this question “Where is my home?” that I can come up with a sort of answer.


I will make my home be where ever I travel. I have my backpack to carry belongings.


Why can’t my home be everywhere?


Why can’t I pack my bag hop a plane or train or bus leave one place only to arrive at another and be at home?

Cheers,