A Pre-Post Asia Pondering

Once again I was reminded of one of the things that I love about traveling. It expands your comfort zone and breaks you all at once. It breaks you in the worst way and then you’re left to rebuild yourself into the new version of you. Never is it an easy task and if you cry, that’s okay.

When I had booked tickets to Bangkok I was fresh into my adventure. Barely three days into my trip and my original plans had gone to shit. The hostel hadn’t gotten back to me and honestly I being home for Christmas was looking really nice. Not to mention Jimmy had invited me to his EMT formal in January. So finishing my trip early and with a bang seemed like the best idea!

I remember booking the tickets and I was so excited. I stayed up half the night looking for things to do and places to see. It was all a brilliant sparkly new idea. Then somewhere along the way I decided it was going to be better to swing by a few countries. AirAsia made that an easy decision.

I booked tickets and hostels while in Prague. Although admittedly I put off a lot of the hostel booking because it was stressing me out.

The closer Bangkok got the more I started to over think it. People were pointing out how dangerous South East Asia was, especially for a solo female. I was getting in my own head because I had my Macbook along for the ride.

And then I was getting jacked up on the idea that I didn’t speak the language. Taxi’s were the easiest way to get about but what if they took me an extra long route on purpose? I didn’t want to be a typical tourist getting ripped off. Clearly I over though the entire thing and it stressed me to the max. It broke me.

I flew from Prague to Oslo to catch my flight south. I had an hour layover in Oslo. Just enough time to disembark, pass security, grab a coffee and have a near meltdown.

I was standing in the line to get my exit stamp from the Schengen Line when I was thinking “Maybe heading home would be best.” I’d been feeling sick to my stomach and weepy since I left Lenka’s that morning.

Then I passed boarder control and I was past the point of no return. So I tried to psyche myself up and give myself a pep talk.

Because honestly the last time I’d come so close to quitting an adventure was January 2011 when I was standing in the Shannon immigration line at 5 in the morning. I had to firmly remind myself that the last time I felt this scared was the beginning of a life changing trip.

The fact that I had kept the tears at bay didn’t keep me from sending long, loving text messages to my family, friends and Jimmy. Because I figured hey if anything goes wrong at least everyone knows I love them.

That 13 hour flight felt twice as long. I felt borderline sick the entire ride. I tried to journal out my fear. I got no sleep and ended up watching movies.

I landed in Bangkok and went through boarder control without a single issue. By this point I had a headache and was exhausted. It was 7 something local time. The time difference would continue to fuck me up the entire stint in SEA.

The twelve hour difference between Thailand and New Jersey meant that everyone was busy with their own lives at home. I flailed and tried to get a hold of someone to talk me down because I felt a full on melt down coming.

No one was there.

So I sat in the Bangkok airport and cried.

I totally broke.

And I leaned into the brokenness and fear that had been tinging the last day and a half. I cried it out while everyone at home was moving on with their day totally unaware that I felt the most alone I’d felt in years.

The only thing that kept me from booking a flight home was the fact that I didn’t want to board another long haul flight of 13+ hours to get home. That and the fact that I was sure I’d never forgive myself for giving up right before the true adventure started.

I was gently gathering the pieces of my broken self when my mum messaged me back. With none of the gentlness I though I needed.To say the least it wasn’t the response I had expected. It was harsh and it was something that I would tell myself. It was just what I needed.

And that was that. I wiped my eyes, blew my nose, shouldered my pack and went to the taxi queue.

That was when Asia officially started. The hardest part of that entire trip was leaving the Bangkok airport. And as I write this post I’m reminded of another trip that the hardest part was leaving the airport. November 2011 I backpacked Spain for 12 days all on my own, it was my first solo backpacking endevour. The hardest and scariest part of that trip was leaving the Madrid Airport.

So in life, I think the thing that makes us all the most scared of doing something is our preconcieved idea of what lays in the next step. Weather that step is leaving an airport or sending an email to an agent.

The fear is only in our heads.

That was the most poinent lesson of this trip. That all the things I thought were scary were just in my head. If I just ignored those voices that said something should strike fear into me I had the best day.

There were times in my trip where I didn’t feel safe. Where I felt out of my depth. Where I felt off kilter and awkward. Where I felt alone. Where I felt lost and afraid.

In one particular instance of wandering where I felt unsafe, out of my depth, and close to tears I was hit with the most profound idea. That just because I’m scared doesn’t mean that a place is scary. And if you find the fear that’s within you is based on your external surroundings then you should challenge it. Push your limits and break that fear. Because there’s a vast area on the other side where fear used to live and now you can move in there. Your comfort zone can expand into that place that used to harbor fear. And that’s just what I did. Over and over and over again.

Two weeks in South East Asia saw me doing things daily that scared me shitless. But at the end of the day when I’d text everyone or update Instagram I was proud to talk about my day and the things that I saw. I never really shared all my fears because by the evening they seemed so far off and petty.

What I love most about my travels is that every time I face down something new. I graple with it every day of my trip and I come home someone new and changed.

Travel breaks you.

But it also rebuilds you.

Feelings-sick

These last two days have been a bit shit for me. And it's been drama from home that's been bringing me down. And the fact that my dad told me that my dog Charles got out of the house and got picked up by animal control and had to get a rabies booster. It worries me there because my dog Sydney got really sick after her rabies booster and we had to put her down as a result. So I've been upset and stressed over that. And it's thrown in a tinge of homesickness to my trip.

But I was thinking about it a bit because I don't actually have a home to be homesick about. My dad is moving in a few week (before I get home) so the house I left I'll never be going back too... So I'm not really homesick for a place... I'm more Feelings-sick. 

I'm homesick for that feeling of comfort of seeing your friends or cuddling up with your dogs. 

I'm homesick for a familiar face and the feeling of being safe.

Now it's not to say I don't feel safe traveling because I do. But you just sleep a bit on edge when you're in a room with strangers. You know. And my dad hasn't been diligent at all about sending me puppy updates. My mum on the other had has been grand... But i really want to see Charles and Will.

And that doesn't even start to cover the whole missing Jameson thing. Because FaceTime is like a bandaid. It doesn't make the missing him easier it just makes it less while we're talking. After I have to hang up I'm mopey for a while. The same goes for talking with my mum or Kelly but well not as clingy missy.

I always get a bit of this thing called "homesick" when I travel. Sometimes it hits me early in a trip. Other times it makes the last week a teary mess for me. But this time it's hit me earlyish... or maybe it's already half way through my trip. I've been away for nearly 3 weeks now. Who knows if I'll make it another 3. I really don't know. My plans are all over the place and crazy and constantly changing. It's fun but at the same time... I just want to lay in bed and have a lazy day. Or walk around without pants on. Or stay up really late and write and not worry about missing breakfast. 

I'm missing a lot of the small things right now. So I'm doing my best to do what I always do and just suck it up. I'm hoping London will set me straight. I'm headed off at 6:40 tomorrow morning for my favourite city! I'll have lunch in Trafalgar and grin like an idiot. Hopefully a good dose of London will kick my feelings-sickness for a while. And if it doesn't then at least this trip isn't forever. I'll be heading home, where ever it may be, in a few weeks.

But before I can think of home I need London. It's my unhealthy addiction... Or maybe it is healthy... well either way I love London!

Cheers,

Prequel To Europe

Let's play a quick game called guess where I am?

Hint 1: I took a plane here
Hint 2: It's part of my favourite continent
Hint 3: It's Norway's second largest city

Oh man how'd you guess Bergen Norway! Congrats you're smart!

So yes I am once again on the road. Does it seem like i was just in Europe? No. I had 7 long months of hard core work. Well not too hard core I am a full time nanny after all. The worst that I have to deal with is only children that try to make up rules in the middle of an intense Uno game... and really there are worse things in life. 

Outside of work life has been a bit stressful. I bought my tickets about a month ago and I almost didn't board the plane on Monday. Even though this trip has been in the workings since about Christmas. A family I babysit for are in Norway for 3 weeks. The father is Norwegian so they come every year and they invited me along. So I've been saving and planning on a mini Eurotrip since early January. Yet when my flight came up and I was at the airport boarding that plane was the hardest thing I've done in a while and the whole two hours I was waiting I was talking myself in and out of this trip.

Totally unlike me I know. But there are a lot of factors that play into that. 

Mainly the fact that life has sucked for two months. We found out our house is in foreclosure so that means we're losing the house. I had a lot of packing to do. I cleared out my room and packed it all up in a few weeks. Then I was helping my mum get off to Texas. Because of all the shit going down at home my parents have decided to separate. So before my mum left you can imagine how much fun (read not fun) it was to be home. My mum left for Texas 10 days before I left. It hit me then that I in fact had a whole house to pack up....

Which I did not. 

I packed a good portion emptied a lot furniture of all sorts of crap. Then left my room in a state of nearly packedness (read shit-hole). I should have done more and I feel guilty about that but I tried. Honestly. But shit was it stressful to think of all the things I had to do before leaving and the fact that I will never be going home to that house ever again. All that is just gone... Thinking about it just weighs me down....

And I'd met a guy before I left. We really only started seeing each other right before I left aka talking for almost a month but meeting up for barely over a week. But sometimes things just click even when you don't expect them too. And being a girl I over think a lot of things in the guy department for better or for worse. That over thinking still played into my thoughts as I waited for my plane. But I remembered something he said and did my best not to let thoughts of him weigh on the decisions to board on not to board....

I boarded that plane on Monday. I've got a whole bunch of mixed up feelings about it all. 

Did I run away? Of course. You'd think being 24 would make me a mature adult and I'd think about someone other then myself. But these last few months have really disillusioned me on a variety of topics. 

When I bought my ticket last month I was planning on just flip flopping around Europe for as long as my money lasted. I have no return ticket but I have plans for the next few months. But now that I'm actually here with a bit less money then I thought it all seems a bit (read REALLY) suffocating. So am I second guessing things? Fuck yeah I am. I'm rethinking a lot of things. 

Rethinking is a good brain exercise in some areas. Like the fact do I want to skip out of Europe in a few weeks and head to Thailand? Because the tickets are cheap from Oslo are $214 and home from Bangkok are only $645. See so cheap!!!!! 

But if I did I'd be skipping out on seeing another family that I babysit for. They're moving to Kinsale Ireland and I'd love to see them! But they don't know when they'll be over so that adds a bit to my hesitance to make plans. Because I totally want to see them. 

I know I thrive on no plans and crazyness and slapping last minute things together but some how this time is different. I can't put my finger on it.

 At the same time that I'm feeling confused and angsty I'm having a blast in Bergen. It's such a cute city. I hiked up Floyen yesterday. Tomorrow I'm doing a 6ish hour hike from Ulriken to Floyen then back down to city centre. It looks epic, fingers crossed I have good weather. I loved walking around city centre today and seeing the cathedral. 

So I legit have these two feelings of being happy that I'm traveling and enjoying it but also feeling like I've forgotten something really important. It puts me on edge and I can't quite shake it. 

Will I be home in a month? In Poland? I have a job offer at a hostel there, I have to confirm details next week. Or will I head to Ireland? Or will I fly across the world to Thailand? 

I have no clue and it's exciting and suffocating at the same time. I guess I have a lot of thinking and praying and soul searching to do. Gosh that sounds cliche but I always use travel for such things.

Till I decide I'm doing my best to live it up in Norway!



Hang tight a blog post on how much I actually love Bergen is coming soon (read an hour or two)! Pictures and all!!

Cheers,

12 Flights 7 Weeks: Reflection

My trip last fall was quite hard core in my opinion. As it is with most things in retrospect it was a lot more fun then living through it. Not that the whole trip was shit but there were a few spots where I was just counting down till the next place and praying like hell that I had the strength to make it through. Mainly Morocco.

Although I wouldn't trade Morocco for the world. It was a learning experience and it was crazy and amazing and...... the toughest experience of my life. It really redefined how I saw myself. I put up with some crap there and not just the whole being sick. I got stared out and followed and talked to and shouted at and creeped on so hard core. But I made it through. I perfected my bitch face. I developed a killer sense of direction. I also saw some of the most amazing things in my life. There were times when it was so much fun. I hiked the atlas mountains. Made friends in the Sahara dessert for crying out loud! It was amazing. But the amazingness equals the not so amazing parts. Being sick sucked so much. Sometimes the things my mum says off offhandedly makes me realize she was really worried for me and might never forgive me for not coming home. She's convinced I was on the verge of death... I'm convinced that I just couldn't keep anything down. I just lost a lot of weight... there are worse things in life. In short Morocco was so far out of my comfort zone that it was just as deep in my comfort zone. You know that whole as far out as it is is how close it is... I know not making much sense but what I really learned was that the more you let just roll off your back the wider your comfort zone gets. 

I learned a lot about traveling with friends. I loved hanging out with Missy and Kelly. I loved the dynamic of having people around me. But I also learned that being on my own is just as easy. Because I had to leave them and it wasn't so much sad as it was a change. We had been together for only a few days and then we parted. It was a nice reinforcement that I don't always have to surround myself with people to be happy. I can be just as happy with friends as I am on my own. Visiting Ana and Lenka further this alone/with friends deal because when I was with them it was a different dynamic as well because I lived life more as a local then a tourist. At the end of it all regardless of if I have friends with me or not I know I can have fun and do epic things.

I was so lucky to get to go to so many new places and it's always fun to tick off new countries from the map. It's a thrill I will never get tired of. It was nice to see that traveling is a skill I will never lose regardless of how far apart my trips are. My thirst for new things will never be quenched and I think I like that idea. I don't want to become complaicent and satisfied with where I am in life. I always want there to be something new to strive for. 

I'm so thankful I had this trip it was my longest solo endeavor to date and I'm already planning on topping it... soon... So watch out world I'm not done. Not by far!

Xoxo,

Airports

I think I might have addressed this once or twice before but let me make a long clear point.

I LOVE AIRPORTS!

Why? I've got a whole list of reaons. But mind you this love for airports is a bit tainted at the moment. It's 6 am here I in Reykjavik. I've been at the airport since  2:15 yesterday afternoon... and my flight boards at 4:30 this afternoon.

Am I crazy? Quite possibly yes.

That's beside the point. I promise.

So what's the deal with this long stay? Well I was couchsurfing in Reykjavik and my host was awesome (more on this later obviously). But his cousin was coming to visit and I was welcome to stay but I didn't want to ruin family time. I respect family time. So I was like no problem I'll come up with something.

Now Reykjavik was done on $50 and $27 of that went to my bus transfer. My parents were happy to wire me money. But I backed down at the last minute.  How many people can say they did Reykjavik on fifty bucks. It's an expensive fucking city. I still got a hot dog, ice cream, coffee, post cards, and a Christmas present for my little brother. So I'd say I swung it nicely.

That being said I obviously had no money for a hostel. The cheapest one was $26. Nope. Nope. Nope. So I indulged my guilty pleasure of skulking around an airport for an excessively long time!

The busses here run according to departing flights. So the last one out yesterday was at 2:30 in the afternoon. I left the flat to do some site seeing. The weather was nice so I spent my supposed last 500 LSK on a coffee. I ended up finding 1000 LSK stashed with my return ticket,  I'm a clever girl. After my coffee at Mokka I started walking toward city hall and the weather got really nasty. But I pushed on. Some hail and snow later it cleared. I went to the harbour to get some bangin pictures. Then BAM more nasty weather. It really couldn't make up it's mind. So I was like fuck this my face hurts and 2 pairs of pants isn't enough so I'm going to the bus station. I hopped on the 1:30 bus and away I went.

By this point I've had a 3 hour nap. Edited a good 80 pages. And watched Arthur's Christmas.

I've also had dinner and snacks. I set a 500 LSK budget at the grocery store here for foods. I got a 200g pack of crackers as well as a small packet of butter and cheese. Ghetto? Not even the worst yet. I made coffee.... I always travel with instant coffee because you never know when you'll need it. And the water in this one bathroom sink is scalding. So thanks to my trusty water bottle I have black coffee. There that's as ghetto as I'll get.

But I'm enjoying the airport so who cares?! I'm listening to Christmas tunes and just living it up.

I love the energy of airports. Not the omg I'm late or fuck this line. I love the core energy of it all. Because at one point when they booked tickets these people were happy. I love the energy of going places. The anticipation of that moment in take off where you feel the earth try to keep you down but up you go anyway and it tugs in your stomach. It's exquisite!

That's why I love airports. And I sleep in them as often as I can because well I just love it. The lack of sleep combined with people watching and other adventures (like finding cheap dinner or a plug) makes for good stories. It's very hard to put into words my love for airports. Mainly because so many people have a stigma against airports and will never understand me. They'll just state at me like what the hell.

I even love going through security. I've got it to a science. It's always funny when I get pulled aside for a bag check because they think I've left liquids in. This happened 3 times this trip. And every time they tried to nail me for 2 things. My toothpaste and deodorant. And once for my baby powder. And I'm just like none of these are liquids,  they check and they're like oh my bad. It shows up as organic material and that usually means liquids. It never bugs me because I'm always early. I find it funny to be honest.

Then there's the queue for the plane. And the funny people in zone 6 that stand up and queue in the way when they're only boarding zone 1. Too funny!

Oh but the part that I love the most comes after the flight. Yes sleeping here and chilling here is great fun but the best part is at broader control!

The stamps!!! I love getting my passport checked. I love the ka-chink of the sramps! And the new ink.... it's the best.

So you see the best things in life happen at an airport. You go places. You have adventures. You get stamps. I'd live in an airport if I could.

I've got 10 hours till boarding. I suppose I should edit a bit more.... well off I go to work. I'll be home soon and I'm excited.  This trip was long and tough at some points but worth it. So stay tuned for the rest of my Westward adventures and then 7 weeks of adventure! It'll be tons of posts! After all I had 12 flights, saw 13 cities in 7 countries. So stay tuned every one! Have a good day. I know I will!

Cheers,
Taylor

Sometimes the Universe has a Different Plan

I've learned a few things about divine timing over the years. Taking the plan of the universe into account is always a tough thing. So I've tried to stick with the philosophy of the plan is to have no plan.

A lot of crazy things have happened on my trip. Lots of divine intervention and all that good stuff. I tried to fight the 'take it slow' vibe. Bam I got sick in Fez and had to take it slow. Since being sick I have done my best to slow down.

I had had grand plans of jamming my trip full of shit. You know see all the sites eat all the food. But after being sick I literally couldn't. I was sick for a week in Fez then it took me a further week to get better and not be winded after 5 stairs. So I took it slow. And continued to take it slow.

A safe statement would be that I've seen more of my manuscript then some of the cities I've visited. But you know what that's just how the universe swung it. And damn have I done some amazing writing! Like no joke I'm looking over some of it today and I'm so proud of myself because it reads so well and I'm a bit like did I really write this?

Today is another of those curve balls the universe loves throwing me. I'm in Reykjavik, Iceland and there is a hardcore snow storm outside today. How hardcore? Wel it's -3'C (26.6'F) but it feels like -12'C (10.4'F) because of the 38 kmh (23.6 mpg) winds.

Yeah I'm not leaving the house. What's a girl to do? Well I was editing. Then I was like I should blog. But after this it's back to editing. The universe has been forcing me to edit and work on adding new chapters this whole trip now. I've whipped out this manuscript in fantastic places and just worked.

Even though I had planned on trying to site see and drink some famous coffee today that plan was shelved in favour of editing and staying warm. I really should be thanking the universe for making me work because otherwise I'd have a half edited manuscript with a shoddy ending. Instead due to all the time I've had to work on it I'd venture to say it's borderline perfect! It'll be editor ready by the new year's eve and I'll be contacting agents in January. Fingers crossed I'll be published by this time next year!

But I'm not planning on it. The universe might have something better planned....

Any how here are some pictures of where this bad ass manuscript has been worked on!

London Stansted Airport

Kasbah Mohayut,  Merzouga,  Morocco

My tent in the Sahara before bed time

the actual Sahara.  I'll be honest I only got through 3 or so pages before I was like fuck it's hot. I'll take pictures before going back.

Getafe,  Spain at Ana's flat

Barcelona,  Spain at Lenka's flat

Little Bucharest Hostel, Bucharest,  Romania

And today in snowy Iceland! 

Home again in 2 days! I'll see you the other side of the Atlantic! 

Cheers, 

Taylor

The Rules to Being Awesome

Speak your truth.
Confront conformity. 
Forget what others think of you.
Follow your heart.
Open new eyes every morning.
Embrace the unknown.
Be brave.
Be curious.
Push the boundaries of society.
Lift up everyone you meet.
Transmute insults into love.
Exude courage. 
Do everything, then do a little more.
Stop worrying about past failures.
Inspire others with your deeds.
Don’t tolerate negativity.
Love with your whole heart.
Turn every experience into an adventure.
Don’t be afraid to be someone new.
Release the standards others have placed upon you.
Don’t be afraid to explore the world.
Breath in positive energy and breath out your fears. 
Live vastly. 
Regret nothing.
Become an unstoppable force of awesomeness!

Of Comfort Zones and Thanks

It’s come to my attention that people of the human race find my adventure in January to be something that should never be attempted. After all I’m a young female and travelling alone should never be attempted. Further more couch surfing is an invitation to get raped and killed. Am I right? To some people yes. To me I say don’t be ridiculous. After all it must be hard to imagine doing something exciting from that little  comfort zone of yours.

You see the looks on people’s faces says more then enough when I tell them I’m backpacking alone for 22 days through 4 countries and sleeping on strangers couches. It’s as if they don’t think I’m competent enough to do it. As if I’m too weak to accomplish it. 

I understand that the world isn’t a lovely peachy perfect place but the same dangers exist here in the United States that exist in every other country. I don’t mean to sound flippant about  my life but so what if I get kidnapped? So what if I find my self in a fatal position? Would you rather die close to home doing the same thing day in day out or would you rather be chasing a dream and living life outside of society’s  expectations? Would you rather blend in with the crowd or stand out? 
I mean think about it… sure it would be tragic but if I ran into trouble while abroad I would make the front page. Where as if I met the same fate here at home I’d simply be a statistic. I’ve never liked blending in with the crowd. I was always that weird girl that did what she wanted and got made fun of a lot. So why would I stop now? Seriously what fun is it to be a statistic?

To quote my favourite book, to a well organized mind death is but the next great adventure. I find something about dying slightly intoxicating and exhilarating. I’m not going to go looking for it. I’ll avoid it for as long as I can. I’ll fight for my last breath. But at the same time I’ve lived more them most people ever will. I’ve travelled the world. Done things that very few can ever say they did. I don’t fear my tomorrows even if my tomorrows end with the next sunset.

If you’re one of those people who balks at me for planning my trip and think it’s weird that I find death something pleasant then perhaps you should hold your judgment. I’m sorry that you fear dying. You should live a little more instead of trying to convince me that I need to live less. I will never stop living on the edge of wonderful exhilaration till I’m dead…. Obviously. I refuse to settle down. Having a family will only encourage me. I want my kids to see what I’ve seen. Do what I’ve done. I won’t stop my travels simply because I’ve got a child to look after. I’ll continue to book tickets and go places and I’ll take my children with me.

I’ll keep doing crazy things till it‘s impossible. I’ll take those looks of disbelief you all give me and store them away for a time when I need encouragement.  You see when people say I’m crazy or I’m asking for trouble it makes me want to do it even more. I want to prove them all wrong and show everyone that it’s okay for a young female to travel alone and love it. I want to show young women that we can do whatever we want. There’s no need to seek other’s approval. If you approve that’s enough. If you’re comfortable with doing something then do it. Don’t let someone else tell you how to live your life. Just live. 

You wouldn’t let someone else tell you when you can and can’t breathe. So why have someone tell you where you can and can’t go?

To those of you who agree with me that January is going to be a fun month… I don't need to say much as our brains work in sync. So thank you. I enjoy having like minded people in my life. Thank you for believing in me and supporting me. I won’t let you down.

Life Creeps In

I once knew a wise girl. Everything that happened in her life, the good, the bad, the awkward and unseen were all “Part of the Plan.” It didn’t matter what happened to her she’d shrug it off and say that it was in the Plan. This inspired her friends and perhaps aggravated her parents. While she was alive and I knew her a bit I simply assumed she had a plan, some grand way paved through life. It made me a tad jealous as she was four years younger then me. Then last October she was in a fatal car crash. I heard the news while I was waiting for my plane in the Madrid airport, it hit me real hard for a few reasons. 1-I’d been praying for her since the accident had happened 2 days before. 2- it was the day before my friend Tucker’s third anniversary of his death. 3- she was real young. But maybe this was in her plan too. It was only after her passing and learning more about her through various channels that I realized the real Plan was to have no plan.


That’s the best kind of plan I could ever think of. If you have no plan there’s no disappointment if something falls through. And lately I’ve had a lot fall through in my life. First London and being deported. And most recently the Coast Guard. I found out last month my physical wasn’t up to their standards and I got declined. That sent me into my most recent funk of ruined dreams. Along with a pile of personal life fall throughs. So I’ve been sulking about the house for a while now not knowing what to do or where to go in my life. I’d made the mistake of having a Plan.


Having a plan seems to be my constant downfall. Because I think of all the doors that have been opened when I didn’t plan them too. Silly me though I kept making plans. I’ve been telling myself since I got deported that I don’t want to go back to school. Why? Quite frankly it was boring a hell. My mistake there though, I chose a majors I loved and knew a lot about so naturally I was relearning things I’ve known since high school. I’ve been entertaining going back to school for a week or so now on a pre-med track but all the majors were something I knew about and I didn’t fancy any of them. And just today it dawned on me that maybe I just needed  major I knew absolutely nothing about. So I started looking around at unis. I looked at places my friends had been too/are at. And low and behold I found something that was real cool sounding and I knew nothing about it. Neuroscience. Legitimate sounding right? All I know is what I read on the uni sights, it’s the study of the brain. So clearly if I know nothing about it I’m going to be motivated to attend class, learn and graduate. I’ll have to study since I’m clueless as to what it is. It’s going to be a challenge… something I’ve been dying for since… well years it seems. I left middle school assuming High School would be hard. It wasn’t. So I turned my sights to university and again I was let down to my flaw of planning and choosing something I could easily pass.


Now I’ve got a Life Non-Plan to apply to a few schools to be a Neuroscience Pre-health major. I’m not planning on graduating or getting in. I’m done planning. The Plan is to have no plan. So from now on everything is going to be a part of The Plan.. Confusing right? The Plan is no plan… but catchy and easily achieved. So wish me luck as I stumble toward the horizon and my Life Non-Plan… whatever it really is.






Cheers,