Ego

Don't waste time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. 

~Mary Schmich~

Mainstream media calls it ‘Jealousy’… I prefer Ego.


Ego means different things to different people. 


       Metaphysical believers know Ego as something that is essentially everything we strive not to be. It induces negative emotions and brings with it negative outcomes. 
               To psychologists Ego and super-Ego are concepts used to aid in identifying why we think something is right or wrong or why we daydream about something. 
                      But to the masses you Ego is something that drives you to make a decision. 


For me Ego is something I strive not to be. I don’t want my Ego to rule my life because then I’d be someone who lived only for money and things. I’d stop caring about the beauty in life as long as I came out on top being better then others. But really what is better?


My Ego jumps in right now and says better is when you can beat someone at a task and make them seem less then you. And ugh what a disastrous thought that is. I don’t want to walk through life making other feel ashamed of their own accomplishments. But at the same time I don’t want to be ashamed of my own. So is there a way to reason or balance your Ego?


I think that depends on if you really want to tame your Ego or not. Some people simply don’t, they choose to live in the limelight building up a fake self to impress others and they end up with a hallow life because they have fooled themselves and others and gained fake success just for the sake of being “better”. I strive to be one with my Ego. For the most part I keep my Ego in check. I’ve chosen to go about my life however I want these last few years. I stopped letting my Ego whisper in my ear “This will make you look weak” “This makes you look stupid” “Don’t do that no one will like you” “Just follow everyone else and everything will work out great”. 


Right now I’d like to take a moment to say fuck you to my Ego. I wasted eight good years of my life worrying about other’s impressions of me. I went through Middle School and High School day after day beaten into submission by my Ego. I did things to make others like me. I did things to impress people I didn’t care about. I did stupid things for stupid reasons.


Not anymore. My Ego and I live in near perfect harmony… but I’m only Human after all. I still have days that my Ego pops up out of nowhere and fights fiercely to be heard. It’s at these moments that my Ego takes control that I start feeling jealous and upset. And even as I’m feeling jealous I know it’s a stupid emotion and a stupid thing to feel since really I can’t do a damn thing about half the shit I’m jealous about. But it takes talking to someone or saying out loud that’s I’m jealous of this or that or him or her for my Ego to shut up and go back to it’s corner. 


So have I tamed my Ego or simply returned the favor of beating it into submission?